Here we go once again

Editor's note (Me, I'm noting this): I started writing this in January 2024, gave it an update in February and maybe March and kept putting off finishing it. Things have changed once again, but I'm publishing this as is, even if it's already slightly out of date. 5/16/24

 

It's been a while. I feel like I start off too many conversations this way lately. I am doing what I can to keep my balance this semester, and I am hopeful that things will be better in general this year. Sometimes it feels like I don't know where to start, so let's see if I can sketch out the things on my mind.

Palestine, it's been 4 months. How are we still here? How is the US government still enabling and paying for this genocide (1)? I really want to make sure that we (Americans? those of us that are still paying attention?) don't let this go. We cannot normalize the brutality that Israel is perpetuating and defending (2). 

 

The state of working life. I don't know how else to describe this. Yes, it's personal, but I do think it's bigger than me (3). I keep thinking that as soon as I get my feet under me (4), I'll be better able to work with my community to make change. I also know that I'm falling prey to capitalism's weight (5). This is the goal. That working class folks will work too hard to be able to plan solidarity. I know that in many ways my ultimate goal is to leave for the woods, to hopefully build a community, but as I think about this goal, I want to make sure I'm not burying my head in the sand.  

 

The fucking election. All of these topics are somehow tied together (capitalism, patriarchy, colonialism, etc etc). I still can't believe I don't know who to vote for. This feels wild, like a bit of a nightmare. I'm not voting for orange man, nor the genocidal war hawk (or whatever that phrase is). I've been on the side of the conversation in the past that said, we always have to vote for the one who isn't as bad. I remember very clearly that I was horrified when my uncle told me that he wasn't going to vote, or didn't. I couldn't believe having that attitude. And yet here I am. I don't feel like any of the 3rd party folks really have my attention, I think Dr. West would be my choice, but I know he has some very problematic views as well. Why do we always wait until the last minute to support third parties? I really do want to make it a goal to push for ranked choice voting in CH (6). And then the county? Then the state? It feels like such an uphill battle and I have no idea how to write/create legislation. 

I keep talking about feeling like we're at a precipice, at a crossroads (almost too soft), or more likely a tipping point. I want this revolution. I want these strikes and protests. I want this change, this birth of a new America. It's so hard to imagine that capitalism has beaten us down so hard that most people will put up with almost anything, because they feel so far away from decision making. Life doesn't have to be like this. We can change things. We have to. Our species will not make it longer if we don't change. I know how hyperbolic that probably sounds. I'm trying to shift my habit of talking about the climate crisis as if it will be the end of the world. No matter what, the world and other forms of life will continue. We humans, and many many species of living things will not make it. I can't decide how much this is comforting and how much is nihilistic. Of course, it can be both. 

When the days get warmer, as we head into late spring, I hope to see this blister that is our current global status burst. I'm not trying to get ahead of myself, I understand that revolutions don't just happen on their own. Recently, as I was listening to an episode of Upstream, the idea of caravan movements/groups was introduced to me. As we plan strikes and other large scale movements, we need to ensure there are supports in place for folks who may lose their jobs or at least lose pay when striking. We need childcare and probably community transportation. We need planners, fighters, craftspeople; hot headed passionate folks (probably me), cool headed strategists, evocative speakers, iconic leaders. We need to leave individualism behind. That's what got us to this point. 

I'm reading too many books at once, as I usually do, three of them in particular are mixing around with each other and giving me energy. Stamped from the Beginning by Ibram X. Kendi (S. and I will get to talk about this plenty very soon), Feminism is for Everybody by bell hooks, and All About Love also by bell hooks are the 3 that are very present. (The other 2 are Redemption in Indigo by Karen Lord and The Sunlit Man by Brandon Sanderson). I read How to be an Anti-racist by Kendi a few years ago and was deeply connected to it, it left me with a lot to think about. But in a weird way, since it was the newer book, it let me have the excuse that then I didn't need to read his first book. I've read a few other bell hooks titles and All About Love is one that I've purposely avoided. Call it a little internalized misogyny, mixed with not sounding radical enough, the book never appealed to me. I'm not even through the first chapter and it's already leaving an impression. Feminism is for Everybody somehow wasn't ever on my radar, but I'm glad I'm reading it now. 

This combination of books is reminding me why I believe in change. I have a lot of anger, resentment, and confusion about the state of the world, but I want to stay grounded in love (of myself, my partners, my community, every living thing). I'm not really sure what types of things I'll take away from any of these 3 books, but things that are already on my mind are holding consciousness raising groups/workshops. bell mentions them in Feminism, so I want to better understand how I could use these tools to create a space for dialogue. A lot of spaces for white women in particular were created around the 2020 BLM spring, in order for white women to hold each other accountable. I think these groups are incredibly important and I am assuming most of them stopped functioning within the first year. 

 

(1) Latest Senate bill as of 2/20/24 - not passed Congress yet https://apnews.com/article/ukraine-aid-congress-senate-china-d7b4846de76a1dfe5d2207b7eb6eeead

(2) More than 29,000 Palestinians killed by Israel since 10/7/23 https://apnews.com/article/israel-hamas-war-news-02-19-2024-81c2d362340b611a98e4b929b4b5d0a4

(3)I'm not Gen Z, but I agree https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/22977663/gen-z-antiwork-capitalism

(4)This is about pay/wages. We are tied to our jobs almost no matter what https://www.brookings.edu/articles/capitalism-is-failing-people-want-a-job-with-a-decent-wage-why-is-that-so-hard/

(5)The more you know https://www.linkedin.com/posts/dellazduncan_when-wage-slavery-was-first-enforced-on-people-activity-7067457843125256192-Eb3v?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop

(6)Did I miss my chance to push this discussion more? https://www.clevelandheights.gov/DocumentCenter/View/17611/Charter-Review-Commission-Agenda-February-12-2024?bidId=

 

What do we do when we are overwhelmed?

 I am feeling very stuck. A lot has happened in the world and in my personal life over the last week. Each week feels like more heavy things to deal with. Many of us are still dealing with the repercussions of the pandemic as well as new and different experiences for our work and educational spaces, supporting our families and friends, and/or reeling from traumatic government-level decisions - from war in Ukraine to the dismantling of bodily autonomy, human rights, and voting rights. 

While working on researching for my next essay, I am feeling distracted and scatterbrained more than usual. In my writing accountability group, I was challenged to use this space and try to write about this example of writer's block and mental capacity. Unsurprisingly, this felt like the right move, to take some space here to consider my writing processes and at the same time work through my feelings. 

I'm struggling to start each paragraph, not because I have nothing more to say, but because I have too many things and can't get them all out at once. Most of the writing I do outside of this space is fairly rigorous and academic. I take a lot of time with planning, researching, editing, and rewriting. On the other hand, this blog space is often closer to a brain dump and I enjoy both ways that I approach writing. 

I'm involved with two book discussion groups right now on campus. In one, we're reading Linguistic Justice by Dr. April Baker-Bell. The other group is reading The Trees by Percival Everett. Each discussion is organized and mostly comprised of a slightly different group of people, Linguistic Justice is predominantly faculty and we're considering how we can teach better and differently and staff council organized the reading of The Trees. The Trees is confrontational, challenging, and a bit spooky. It takes place in modern America and deals with race, class, and history through the telling of a complex (and possibly supernatural) murder mystery. In each discussion, I've needed to attempt to limit the references I'm making about the other book, only because while there is some overlap, each discussion has slightly different attendees. I'm getting so much fulfillment about these conversations because it's giving me space to process the synthesis and connections I'm making between books, teaching, work, life, and more. 

I've never considered myself a writer, I often mention that it's like pulling teeth for me. Except in journaling situations like this. I'm a reader, through and through. In my academic writing, I'm happy to gather information, read, annotate, and begin the necessary synthesis, but when it comes to writing, I balk. I wonder if a part of that is feeling too restricted. The voice of academic writing is comfortable and familiar for me to read (generally), but it's not how I write. When I write, I want feelings and emotions, action, and personality. Of course, as I'm wrapping this up, I want to pull some of these feelings together to tie them to BOTH of the books referenced above. In Linguistic Justice and The Trees, there is overt and subtle commentary on the supposed neutrality of academic writing. In Linguistic Justice, this is about policing language as an aspect of racism. In The Trees, it's similar, but also adds a layer of Black folks struggling for recognition and validation. My immediate reaction to these ideas was to consider how patriarchy exerts itself as the language of logic - women (women's language, feminized language, and the other) all write with emotion. In my efforts to pull down hierarchy, this dichotomy of logic over emotion is a personal battle to me. 

My writing peers also pointed out some of the differences in style, tone, and subject matter for the writing projects I described to them. I'm hoping to be able to use the play of emotion, opinion, anecdotes and research and data to best make my thoughts clear. In a place with fewer hierarchies, we wouldn't need to choose between logic and emotion. We could use both together to express our ideas without needing to hold back. I am looking forward to leaning into these challenges.

Bringing this back 12 years later

What does it mean when a blog has gone silent for 12 years and suddenly comes back to life? It probably means an academic is trying to work through some writing and projects. I'm trying my hardest to not hide the older posts - I just finished grad school for the first time and trying to use writing to parse through all of the new things I was learning about. 

I'm hoping to use this space for a few projects, the main one will most likely be cultural commentary - specifically through the lens of intersectional feminism with a strong anti-racist leaning. I'm all over the place with my interests currently. I'll probably cover topics like pop culture, politics, environmental racism and climate change, and maybe some reviews or reflections of books I'm currently reading. I don't know where this will go or if I'll be able to maintain it, but here we go!